2018-2025

Latest Letter : The Kerfuffle Latest Letter : The Kerfuffle
Started 11/12/2024, written one sentence at a time over several weeks until finished.

Thought about for seven years.

If you had told me what was going to happen before the Kerfuffle I would not have believed you. My brother Paul and I would argue, I would get arrested, I would leave my partner of 24 years, I would live at the Dockside Tavern for 18 months. But alas all that did happen and all very quickly. In the space of about three months. And then, later, I would be diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I would buy my apartment by the sea and go on an amazing overseas holiday.

But it did happen. Paul and I were trying to care for our father Roy. One day Roy gets put on medication for his heart and a few days later is struggling to breathe so Paul and I call an ambulance, and he is taken to hospital. While there, allied services start to talk about him needing to go into a nursing home. He must go to another recovery hospital, but this stay does not go well. The hospital care team believe he is a choking risk and disallow solids and he rapidly looses strength and weight. This doesn’t seem right to you. He was a very active person still, now confined to a wheelchair, eating mush. I take him for a lovely walk along the beach front with him in the wheelchair he seemed to enjoy this very much. His gown flowing in the wind, grinning from ear to ear. You and Vin take him for longer and longer home visits until after a terrifying argument with Paul, where he points a finger at you and says, ‘if you take him home you will have to care for him for the rest of your life’.

You take him home permanently, feed him fish and chips and vanilla milkshakes but things are not right. While in hospital he had developed a sore on his leg that lingers for a very long time and causes quite a bit of angst. Home nurses were coming but they insisted on strapping the wound, removing the scab. This doesn’t seem right to you. You become very suspicious of the care Roy is receiving but he is obviously unwell. He needs help with everything and was very confused. A brand-new nursing home is recommended to you it is three weeks before Xmas and was highly decorated and seemed like a lot of fun. The lady showing us around seems so friendly. So, it was decided that Roy would move there.

During the admission process I give Paul’s name as the contact. At lunch I take to the dining room, and no one explains where he should sit. We find an empty seat and Roy starts to cry. I leave and before long I get a phone call to say Roy has been diagnosed with Shingles and will need to be confined to his room. This troubles me. The idea was that he would be involved in a joyous Christmas at his new home but now he is to be shut in a room. And worst prescribed Lyrica. I also doubt he has shingles as I recall he was complaining of a sore ear and scratching at the side of his face the day before admittance.

Christmas Day arrives, and we have a lovely meal on the balcony at home on the Esplanade. It would be the last meal happy family Christmas; everything is about to change. After lunch we visit Roy as a family. We find him alone in the garden clearly very distressed. Everyone is upset. We insist on a doctor being called. Everyone focuses on the wound on his leg. I am starting to feel strange. No one mentions shingles. I start to distrust his nurse. Paul is aggressive towards me. The next time I visit Roy I leave the elevator on his floor and I am confused the layout is different and I take a moment to realise what was previously and an open corridor is now a barrier. I follow others through, and Roy is on the other side wailing and distressed. My heart breaks. Vin says, “I wouldn’t leave my dog there”.

I take Roy to lunch at the Palais Hotel. We are sitting out on the deck, and he announces he wants to go home. He is insistent, he doesn’t want to stay with Vin and me he wants to go home to his home. I dial the Nursing Home number, and he tells the Home Manager himself, and I take him home. I am very worried about what has taken place, but I couldn’t take him back to the home. We begin taking shifts to care for him. Neither Paul or Chris are involved. I find a caring friend and her friend, and I employ them to be with Roy on Wednesday and Friday afternoon and Thursday morning to give us a break. Another friend Natalie is employed via his Aged Care package for a couple of hours Monday afternoon. We struggle with the Aged Care system and Roy’s Retirement Village don’t like me living there.

I am feeling more and more strange, like I am in a movie.

We go to see my mother’s Dr. as Roy’s feet are very poorly and a nurse (probably the only nurse that seemed to know what they were doing had come to the house to bandage them up, but the Dr. wants to unwrap them all. I am devastated. I feel like I am fighting against a tide. She tells me to bring Roy in the next day to see his Dr. Blanch is very strange and tells Roy it is ok to pick his sores, and we have achieved nothing, and it is a 40 degree day. At some point either the first Dr. or Dr. Blanch tell that Paul has been in to see them. I am exhausted. I see a patient with their foot cut off I am very worried about Roy’s care.

Roy has an appointment with his cardiologist. Paul comes too. I am hoping the meeting is being recorded. In the waiting room I think another patient is an undercover cop. I think this because I have told ECH I am going to report Paul to the police for bullying Roy. During the appointment Roy gives an Academy Award performance telling the doctor that he is happy with me caring for him at the Grange village and that I am helping him socialise with other residents. We had been to the movie night, the bowling nights and spending time mixing with other residents. The Dr acknowledges this, and Paul apologises to me, but I scoff at him. Paul has been a right prick to me. We say goodbye to Paul and take Roy out for celebratory Vanilla Milkshake, but he becomes super weird and wants to find the café where Nora is.

I have a bad night. No sleep. I become scared of Paul. I worry about retaliation. I phone Vin in the early hours of the morning and ask for help. He takes a very long time to come. When he comes, he tells me he is going to have me committed and I become terrified. All I wanted was to go home and have a rest and try to think about the situation. I spend the day with Elena, we take Roy to West Lakes. I am very despondent. I perceive my relationship with Vin over.

A nurse is scheduled to come see Roy, it is a Saturday morning. I ask Tracey and Greg to come to help me and witness any interaction. It is a lovely day, and we set up outside. The nurse comes and goes and has no problem with Roy. Vin turns up and I ask him why he said he would have me committed. I think someone has told him to say this and ask him to tell me who said it. He won’t tell me anything. I tell him our relationship is over. He leaves. I am so tired. I continue to look after Roy with no help.

This is not a scenario I have any experience with. My long-term partner wants to have me committed. I become scared of being closed in. I no longer like a door locked or even closed.

Australia Day at Grange Retirement Village
Lisa comes over and helps me get Roy ready for lunch, he wears his Australia Day t-shirt. I don’t know now how I contacted Lisa. But she was very kind and noticed that the aircon vent.

I am loosing track with reality. I completely crack when ECH tell me Barbara was his main carer. We had never met a Barbara . Paul takes over the care of Roy and he is admitted to Grange where mum was but this time it is different. Lots of locked doors.

I begin to feel very uncomfortable with just about everything. I am supposed to be putting my play on for the Fringe. Actors are counting on me. I still to fill some parts. My brother Christopher and I fell out because I fired him from my play. And Natalie couldn’t play Charlotte. She still knew her lines years later.

I am loosing track with reality. I completely crack when ECH tell me Barbara was his main carer. We had never met a Barbara . Paul takes over the care of Roy and he is admitted to Grange where mum was but this time it is different. Lots of locked doors.

I call a meeting of the actors at the Dockside but I think Tuesday was telling the cast, I wasn’t up to the job of director. At this meeting I tell Diane that I would play her role. I was pretty brutal but I was on a roller coaster ride and I couldn’t get off.

Miraculously the play went ahead. Three shows; one at the Semaphore Library and two at the Dockside Tavern.